Hello, My Name Is Denis, I'm An Emergency First Responder, May I Help You? Hello? [tap tap tap] Hello? Can You Hear Me?

Last night and Monday night I attended an Emergency First Response training course at Abyss Diving with my mate Brett (pictured right). Peter Letts (pictured left) was seriously bruised up by an angry mob of scuba divers. Luckily we were there and able to help.

EFR is great training, and it's required - or an equivalent - for the PADI Rescue Course Brett and I are taking next week. While the Scuba side of things will focus on water-related first aid like CPR on a human while in the ocean, the EFR course focussed on land-based first aid like CPR on a human while in a classroom. Both cover how to treat a human whose arm has been bitten off (either by a shark or Mike Tyson).

You may have guessed by the title that the intro we are to give to non-breathing unconscious person is, "Hello, my name is ___, I'm an emergency first responder." Then we poke them really hard with a finger, whether or not they show sign of being conscious.

If they are conscious, we say, "Why the hell were you on the floor pretending to be a non-breathing unconscious person?"

If they are not conscious... I think I forget that part. Hold on, I have a book here.

Got it. We say, "The City is once again a major partner of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival." No that's the Sydney City News newsletter.

Ah, got it, "Llook out Llarry, here comes the llandlord, " and there are two llamas in a house peering out the front window. Sorry, that's my Far Side page-a-day calendar.

Well I'm certified now, so if you're a non-breathing unconscious person and you agree to let me help you, rest assured (and unconscious) that I will figure out what to do then. I promise.