YAY!!! We Found an Apartment! GRRRR!!!

Dana and I have finally found an apartment! It's a spacious 2 bedroom in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn. Don't know where Boerum Hill is? Don't feel bad. Most people don't. It's a term the real estate companies made up to charge higher rent for places in Gowanus. Our new pad is between Park Slope and Fort Greene. A very convenient location in a newly-renovated pre-war building. So why the "GRRR"? Three words: ------- ------ brokers. I had to bleep out the first two words because this is a family show after all.

After finding the place on Craigslist. The ad just said it was a 2BR on Pacific in Boerum Hill, so I called the agent for more details. Here's a brief summary of the conversation...

• Me: Where exactly on Pacific is it?
• Him: It's right there were you want to be.
• Me: Can you give me a cross street?
• Him: It's right in the middle, the train is close.
• Me: Which train?
• Him: It's right in the center of things.
• Me: Is it on 4th Ave, near Atlantic Center?
• Him: Yeah, that's it.
• Me: Is it a true 2 bedroom or a 1 and a half?
• Him: Yeah it has two bedrooms.
• Me: Can you give me the size in square feet?
• Him: The apartment is a good size. I think 7... something.
• Me: So probably one bedroom plus den.
• Him: No, their both the same size... like 11 by 11.
• Me: Oh. And what floor is it on?
• Him: It's on a higher floor.
• Me: What direction does it face?
• Him: It faces two directions.
• Me: OK, can you get me more details so I can decide if I should come see it?
• Him: Yeah, what time is good for you? I've been here over 5 years so I can pretty much answer any question you have.
• Me: Right.

I'm a glutton for punishment, so we did go to see the place. As mentioned, it's really nice. It'll be much nicer once we fumigate for real estate brokers. This clownhead called us nonstop when he needed up to bring in certified checks for his payment, but when we need information from him, he's elusive.

Need some more examples? OK!

The move-in date advertised was November 1st. After we submitted our application (plus a fee of $100 per applicant), he said the management company wanted to do more work. This was kind of good because the floor was very stained, and we had asked if they could put it in writing that they would fix it. (The answer? "They don't usually , like, do stuff like that.") However, they said they wanted to push the move-in date to December 1st.

• Me: What sort of work?
• Him: All sorts of stuff.
• Me: What specifically?
• Him: Like, a lot.
• Me: Are they doing the floors?
• Him: Probably.
• Me: Can you talk to them about moving in on the 15th?
• Him: We'll just put December 1st, no big deal.
• Me: But I would like to move in earlier if possible.
• Him: Well, if it's ready earlier, you can probably move in earlier. It's not a big deal.
• Me: Maybe it's not a big deal for you, but I need to know when we're moving!

After all that fun, we received a forwarded email from his boss that said, "The management company wants to leave December 1st for legal reasons." Our broker added the line, "so here's the deal." Great deal! Hey knucklehead, why didn't you just add the line, "So here's what's happening: we're not going to consider your needs." I would have appreciated that sort of honesty.

We brought the certified checks, for his commission and a security deposit, along with two signed copied of the lease, for the management company to sign. As expected, the broker showed up ten minutes late to the meeting he had rescheduled. Today, Dana sent an email to him asking if everything was OK and when we should expect to get our copy back. The broker forwarded that to his manager with the intro, "i dont know the answer to this q" His manager wrote back, "It will be mailed to them after they move in," and the broker simply forwarded that email chain to Dana. Can you get any lazier? As Randy said to me, "You think they are working for you, but you are working for them." Very true. And it makes me so happy to see a manager setting a good example of making the client feel important. Oh wait, I forgot that we're not the client. Sorry, it's just a rough gig to pay thousands of dollars to be treated like dirt. Wouldn't this money be better-spent at an S&M club?

This has not been one of the most entertaining blog posts, I know. I rarely blog a rant, but I wanted this one out there so I can send a link to the broker once he's out of the picture. Ordinarily, I would speak to the broker's manager, but it's clear that he went to the same school of business. An excellent school, I'm sure. I'll leave them both nameless here. I will mention that the company is Ardor Real Estate, also called Ardor Realty. When I last spoke to the broker and finally mentioned that he's making this much harder for us than he has to, his reply?
"This is New York, what do you expect?"

There we go! Thanks for finally spewing out a bit of honesty. Once I get a friggin copy of the lease, we'll book a rental truck and have a long road of happier apartment blog posts to drive upon!

I would love to read some comments on this experience or similar fun with brokers.

A Trip Down South - Atlanta

We departed Tega Cay and made our last stop on the Southern Tour: Atlanta. I had driven past Atlanta before, but I had never stopped there. Dana went to school there for four years. So this was a new experience for me a sort of homecoming for Dana. We stayed with Ali & Mike in their apartment in Midtown, a very trendy part of town. Like the previous stop, the camera did not come out too much... we were too busy talking and eating. The visit was an enjoyable one, and we can't wait for Ali & Mike to move up to New York this winter.

A few still photographs from Atlanta.

Big Trip Photos Mapped

Google offers a free photo-sharing application called Picasa. I don't use it for much, but I created an account and had all the photos I had added to blog posts automatically added to an album. The result was an eclectic mix of images ranging from coneheads and John Howard to rubber duckies and Sam Coates. Pretty neat. But next I dragged some of the photos to a map, dropping them on the city where the photos was taken. Very cool. Now you can roughly follow the path we took from Rome to Brussels. I fear this may expose my secret identity... but it's worth it. Check out the photo map here.

The Big Trip Ends

After Antwerpen, we went back to Brussels for one last night with Jan & Maxine. They took us to one of their favorite restaurants and I ate horse for the first time. I had to: it was my last night of travel-food experimentation, but I did really enjoy the meat. It was perfectly cooked and very tender. Not quite kangaroo, but better than wild boar.

Maxine gave us a lift to the airport and we flew to London Heathrow for our eight hour layover. We were expecting the worst, and it wasn't that bad. After converting our remaining 50 euro into pounds, we had 25 bucks to spend on a meal and some hand-pumped real ale. Eventually we boarded our plane and the relatively short flight delivered us safely to our mother country.

Hold on one second... ah yes, I thought this summary sounded familiar. That post was three months ago today. Well now the photo-sorting and summary-writing part of The Big Trip has ended. Sort of. Please stay tuned...

A Trip Down South - Tega Cay

From Philadelphia we took the scenic route to Tega Cay, home of Sand Gnats. It's also where my brother lives with his wife and three kids. We went to see the Sand Gnats, but it was also nice to see family.

Tega Cay, in South Carolina but just south of Charlotte, North Carolina, dates back to 1972, when a young man named Tega Cay sought the freedom to settle a new town and name it after himself.

OK, now that all the nonsense is out of the way, the rest of this post will be dedicated to truth, though you might not believe all of it. First the stuff that's easy to believe...

We had an excellent time catching up with Chris, Jan, Mike, CJ, Katie and Luke. We only had three nights, but we made the most of it, except when Dana went to get her hair done at the Steel Magnolia place. Aside from going to watch Michael & CJ's Little League team, the Sand Gnats, we just hung around, catching up. Unfortunately, I did not get any photos of the baseball game - it was semi-dark and raining - but I did get a few shots of Mike & CJ with their parakeet, Luke.

Perhaps it's a result of all the traveling I've done lately, but the camera stayed hidden in my pocket most of the visit... until we came across fearsome goats and an abandoned Christian amusement park. We didn't find the goats to be particularly scary, but a warning sign kept us at a distance. This was a nice lunch spot where we also took a look at the Reverend Billy Graham's grandfather's cabin. It was closed, so we ate our Subway sandwiches on the porch.

Afterwards, Chris took us on a drive to the ruins of Heritage USA. This Christian-themed amusement park was, in the mid-80s, the 3rd largest amusement park in the country after Disneyland and Walt Disney World. Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye Bakker built it, along with a massive hotel, on the grounds of their church/business. This was not a very successful long-term venture for Jim Bakker. He accepted $1000 donations in exchange for a 4 day stay at the hotel. He didn't do the math and there were not enough rooms for all the people who had donated. After a lawsuit, those who donated $1000 received a refund of $6.54. This and the affair with his secretary Jessica Hahn, among other things, led to the demise of Heritage USA. He sold it to Jerry Falwell. You may remember Jerry Falwell as the class act who said the gays, lesbians, pagans, and others helped bring the September 11th upon us. Here's a silly photo of him on the water slide Typhoon, fully dressed. Let's laugh at him.

Somehow I managed to fit my brother, Billy Graham, Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell, killer goats and a water slide all in the same post. Thanks to a trip to South Carolina.

More photos here. And if you want to see more photos of Heritage USA, this site has lots of great shots of the place in its heyday and after it fell into disrepair but before they dismantled most of it. The photographer even made it up to the higher floors of the hotel before being chased by security guards.

Antwerpen

I was with great difficulty that Dana and I arrived in the last city of our Big Trip. The train ride from Brugge should have been an easy one, but somewhere a train was out of service and we had to connect through Brussels. The 70 minute trip took 200 minutes. Still, the trains were clean, if ill-directed, and arriving at Antwerpen Central Station was an excellent introduction to the city. The massive glass structure makes me think of what Penn Station in New York looked like before it was destroyed to make room for Madison Square Garden. Antwerpen-Centraal, designed by Louis Delacenserie, was completed in 1905, and nearly destroyed 10 years ago. Thankfully, the citizens argues for its restoration instead.

We walked along the main shopping street, Meir, to our lunch destination: Grand Cafe Horta. This restaurant was built in the style of the famous Belgian, art nouveau architect Victor Horta. The structure is from a building built by Horta and rescued from demolition in Brussels. It's worth a stop for both the food and atmosphere.

Our hotel was easy to find, directly across the street from the Cathedral of our Lady (Onze-Lieve-Vrouwekathedraal) in the Grote Markt. The room was noteworthy for two other features: no door to the bathroom and a tiny photo of a baby taped to the wall. These bizarre details are consistent with many of the bizarre details of the city itself. A few examples:

• Small buildings have been built onto the side of the cathedral. Look at the McDonald's here.
• The city's name comes from the Dutch for "hand thrown" because the town's hero, Silvius Brabo, cut the hand off the giant Antigoon and threw it into the Scheldt River.
• Brabo is memorialized in several parts of the city, most notably Brabo Statue in front of City Hall. The statue is a fountain and water spews from the severed hand as well as the arm of the vanquished giant. (The water was turned off when we were there.)

Antwerp is also home to several interesting watering holes:

• De Vagant is a cafe that serves hundreds of varieties of jenever, a juniper-flavored liquor that is the predecessor to gin. Dana and I both enjoyed what we tried, and the staff was very helpful. A very interesting spot and a perfect refuge from the pouring rain.
• 't Miniatuurke is the smallest and most friendly bar I have even been in. It's two stories, and each level could hold about eight people. We chatted with the regulars for a long time before one them directed us to an ATM and a good spot to get mussels. One wall was lined with caricatures of younger versions of the locals we were speaking with.
• As I sat in Oud Arsenaal, and the locals went in or out, it felt like I was watching a play. The bar was a perfect set, with it's tiled floors and antique beer signs and jar of boiled eggs. On top of the interesting character, the place has an exceptional beer list.

During our last full day in Belgium, we visited the home of Peter Paul Rubens in Antwerp. Raised in Antwerpen from when he was 12, he traveled to Italy to study and returned with first-hand knowledge of what the Italian masters were doing. His home, now the Rubenshuis museum, contains much of his artwork (or replicas), and an audio guide explains his life, his artwork and the building itself. As impressive as the paintings and sculptures are, the architecture of his home and the garden in the back are equally so. After he purchased the house, he built a new building, connected to the old by a gate and hallway, in the modern fashion - baroque. Standing in the courtyard, visitors can look to one side to see the original 16th century residence, then to the other to see Rubens's addition, which he used as a studio. The result is fantastic. The garden is spotted with sculptures and interesting plants. A must visit if you are in Anterpen.

The last gallery of photos from the Big Trip.

Whatever?

While visiting Singapore, I came across a bright yellow canned soft drink called "Whatever" and curiosity got the best of me. There was nothing on the can indicating what might be inside of it. Nowhere could be found the words "cola", "tea" or even "blue blast". I don't remember exactly what the beverage tasted like, and I suppose I never will. The non-carbonated drinks, as well as the carbonated sister drink "Anything", are intentionally sold as questionable products. It's a game of chance. A sort of Russian roulette with soda. Anything could be Cola, Cola with Lemon, Apple, Fizz Up, Cloudy Lemon or Root Beer. Whatever could be Ice Lemon Tea, Peach Tea, Jasmine Green Tea, White Grape Tea, Apple Tea or Chrysanthemum Tea.

I respect the fact that the company is admitting to the consumer that s/he will have no idea what s/he will be consuming. It's hardly ground-breaking. This is already the case with hamburger patty meat and sausages. How about we expand it to movie-going experiences? I can see a half-price crap-shoot cinema in the near future. A production company creates 6 films and releases them to select "I Have No Idea" theaters without any promotions. Only after the lights dim and movie has begun will the audience know if they are about to see a comedy, horror or period drama. Potential. This has got potential.

Anything/Whatever site.