Stoop Sellin' It

Our friends down the street are abandoning us and the neighborhood for Bed-Stuy next week, so we decided to team up and try to sell our combined crap to strangers. Our collective, steaming pile of crap was so great that we had a line of anxious would-be crap-buyers outside the building door at 9AM. (That's "Sweaty" Ben Butkus and an unknown cyclist pictured to the left.)

After a few remarks loaded with feigned embarrassment ("So sorry all the stuff isn't out yet, there was a line at the coffee place at 8:30AM on a Saturday"), we had successfully shifted several rooms' worth of clutter to the front of B&B's apartment in Boerum Hill. Things were moving early on, but then thing quieted down. By 11AM, we were offering an additional 3% off on selected items to selected Boerum Hill residents. This didn't help much, and soon most of the items were in the Salvation Army around the corner.

More interesting than the sale was the string of characters that came by to chat with us. We discovered the joy of sitting in the front of the apartment... but too late. Our friends will be moving shortly, and our building does not provide the same sort of space, but I'll definitely keep this mind when looking at possible future residences.

The Most Partiotic Hotel in the US of A

Written earlier this week:

Some of my vegan, anti-microwave and/or flax-seed-avoiding-cause-it-causes-autism friends damn me for my work travel, but here I am again... in a hotel off an interstate, prepping for the week's meetings. Call me Willy Loman. Actually, please don't.

As I think about how all-American my business trips have been, be they in CN, NM or MN, I realize that this is the most patriotic hotel I've ever been in - at least in Pennsylvania.

Besides the "Liberty," "Independence" and "Freedom" parking lots, we have the front-desk greeting/command "Celebrate America at The Holiday Inn." Factoring in the "We The People of The Holiday Inn" faux-constitution in the lobby, the Sam-Adams-only bar and the National Anthem and "Proud To Be An American" playing while having breakfast in America the Restaurant, this IS the most patriotic hotel in the US.

All photos here.

Asian Tiger Mosquito

Fierce little buggers! I first noticed stripes on an attacking mozzie down on the Jersey Shore last month. While at a BBQ here in Brooklyn a few weeks ago, I nabbed another in the middle of the day. (Deceased specimen to the left.)

After a little bit o googlin', I found out that these guys are relatively new to the area (90s) and known for feeding in broad daylight. I've given in to the fact that I will spend every summer speckled with bites, so if I get them before dusk, what's the difference.

I do wonder if we'll soon see mosquitoes with spots on them. Or maybe mosquitoes with a peacock-like set of feathers. If we're going to be devoured, the aggressors might as well be interesting to look at.

Dear Mr. Maroon Caravan Driver

Dear Mr. Maroon Caravan Driver,

First, let me begin by saying, "Thank you." After my morning shower, shave and application of musk-scented body butter (we wouldn't want anyone to think I wasn't masculine), I was sure I had missed a spot. Yes, I knew that some part of me was not completely clean. As you undoubtedly knew, that part was the entire right side of my body, and as soon as you saw the opportunity to help me, you did. A true Good Samaritan. That oil-laced, brown puddle on Canal Street was exactly what I needed at that time to complete my morning cleansing.

I would also like to say, "You're welcome." I could see the glee in your face as you swerved from the middle lane to the far-right lane to assist me. I feel pride that I was able to provide you with such enjoyment on this rainy, miserable morning. And knowing that your pleasure was derived from delivering aid to a needy person fills my heart with love for the entire human race.

I just wanted to jot down come of these notes for you... to get them off my mind because the burden of debt I feel to you is so great. Now I can get back to my busy Thursday and avoid open flames. Have you seen The Dark Knight yet? Just curious.

Sincerely,
The Guy in the Jeans and White T-Shirt on Canal and Lafayette Holding a Useless Umbrella Above His Head

Fingernail 2.0

I don't rant much on this blog, but I have to do so tonight. This occasion is especially sad for 2 reasons: 1. the rant is against my own body and 2. it's quite difficult for for me to type right now.

Why do we have fingernails? I always thought it was because our fingertips are so susceptible to harm, protruding out there more than most of our body... and doing stuff. If so, can someone explain to me why my well-calcified (calcinated?) fingernails can't protect me from a dullish Henkels chef knife? Yes, this knife was wielded by my own (other) hand, but still... I haven't sharpened it in years!

So what happened? I was chopping away at a jalapeno to include in these wrap thingies I would freeze for lunches. I cook and chop a lot, and jalapenos, in my opinion, are among the worst to cut. This jalapeno did what others had in the past: it jumped. Cutting lengthwise, reaching the end, and bam, the thick flesh shifts, finger under blade. I knew I should have got a habanero.

But really, it's not the jalapeno's fault - it's my fingernail's. I used to think my fingernails were so tough. I can't even bite them off! But maybe I just need to reevaluate the strength of my teeth.

Back to the initial point: we need better fingernails. It is clear that our existing units are insufficient, so I am researching fingernail improvements. So far I have designed little fingernail helmets. If you have a better idea, I'd love to know.

Walking to Work

That's my walk to work right there - from the red box (give or take) to the green box (give or take). It's about 4 miles or so, depending on the route I take... so it's a nice way to start the day. Much more pleasant than competing to be the first one out of the Grand St D. On a few occasions, I've taken my camera along to capture some of the interesting sites leading up to and crossing the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridges (depending on my route). I hope you enjoy them.

A few samples...

Where Have You (I) Been?

While lack of blog updates seems to indicate I have not been traveling, this is not the case. I have not been touristing much, but I have been traveling quite a bit for work. I have spent three of the past four weeks out of NYC: Albuquerque, NM, Pleasanton, CA, and Eden Prairie, MN. There have not been many opportunities for site-seeing in these exotic locales, but I have learned a lot about traveling for work:

1. You are not allowed to carry a container of liquid larger than 7oz onto a plane. The keyword is here is "liquid." If you really want that 3 liter bottle of Mountain Dew beside you on the flight, simply freeze the contents. Since it is now in a solid state, you're golden.*

2. It's best to be that jerk who's the last one on the plane. Cut it as close as you can. Get to the airport 2 hours before your flight and check in, then find a bar to relax in or a power outlet so you can watch movies on your laptop. Watch the line for security check-in. When you think you have a clearing, make your move. (A "clearing" means the line is nice and short, and your flight takes off in 20 minutes or less.) Your impatience will be palpable and people will let you go ahead when you say things like, "My flight takes off in 8 minutes," and breathe heavily with frustration. (Like going "phhhh" while shaking your head.) After you clear security and board your plane, be sure to apologize profusely to the flight staff and your fellow passengers, explaining "there was an accident." **

3. There are lots of great Web sites to help you have a comfortable stay wherever you go. Here are a few I have found:
Kayak:
An excellent tool for finding the cheapest flights. Best one I have seen.

SeatGuru:
Find out what plane your flight is on and use this tool to pick the best seat available.

TimeAndDate:
Bare-bones site with many useful tools for those jumping across time zones.

WalkRunJog:
This is a little more elaborate than the excellent Google pedestrian maps, enabling you to find saved running courses, enter your weight, speed and distance to calculate calories burned.

Public Transportation>Public Transportation:
Or maybe there is some sight-seeing to do and you don't want to drive... and it's too far to walk. This links to public transport information for all areas of the US.

Yelp:
Now that you've earned a negative calorie count for the day, use this to find the nearest place to eat. (My Grimaldi's review was Review of the Day on the 26th of April!)

Beeradvocate:
Always a great site to find out what good local beer you should track down and check reviews of brewpubs.

BeerMapping:
They offer city google maps with bars and brewpubs plotted. Nice!

*I have not tested this cockamamie idea.
**If you follow this advice, you will probably miss your flight, but that's your fault.