YAY!!! We Found an Apartment! GRRRR!!!

Dana and I have finally found an apartment! It's a spacious 2 bedroom in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn. Don't know where Boerum Hill is? Don't feel bad. Most people don't. It's a term the real estate companies made up to charge higher rent for places in Gowanus. Our new pad is between Park Slope and Fort Greene. A very convenient location in a newly-renovated pre-war building. So why the "GRRR"? Three words: ------- ------ brokers. I had to bleep out the first two words because this is a family show after all.

After finding the place on Craigslist. The ad just said it was a 2BR on Pacific in Boerum Hill, so I called the agent for more details. Here's a brief summary of the conversation...

• Me: Where exactly on Pacific is it?
• Him: It's right there were you want to be.
• Me: Can you give me a cross street?
• Him: It's right in the middle, the train is close.
• Me: Which train?
• Him: It's right in the center of things.
• Me: Is it on 4th Ave, near Atlantic Center?
• Him: Yeah, that's it.
• Me: Is it a true 2 bedroom or a 1 and a half?
• Him: Yeah it has two bedrooms.
• Me: Can you give me the size in square feet?
• Him: The apartment is a good size. I think 7... something.
• Me: So probably one bedroom plus den.
• Him: No, their both the same size... like 11 by 11.
• Me: Oh. And what floor is it on?
• Him: It's on a higher floor.
• Me: What direction does it face?
• Him: It faces two directions.
• Me: OK, can you get me more details so I can decide if I should come see it?
• Him: Yeah, what time is good for you? I've been here over 5 years so I can pretty much answer any question you have.
• Me: Right.

I'm a glutton for punishment, so we did go to see the place. As mentioned, it's really nice. It'll be much nicer once we fumigate for real estate brokers. This clownhead called us nonstop when he needed up to bring in certified checks for his payment, but when we need information from him, he's elusive.

Need some more examples? OK!

The move-in date advertised was November 1st. After we submitted our application (plus a fee of $100 per applicant), he said the management company wanted to do more work. This was kind of good because the floor was very stained, and we had asked if they could put it in writing that they would fix it. (The answer? "They don't usually , like, do stuff like that.") However, they said they wanted to push the move-in date to December 1st.

• Me: What sort of work?
• Him: All sorts of stuff.
• Me: What specifically?
• Him: Like, a lot.
• Me: Are they doing the floors?
• Him: Probably.
• Me: Can you talk to them about moving in on the 15th?
• Him: We'll just put December 1st, no big deal.
• Me: But I would like to move in earlier if possible.
• Him: Well, if it's ready earlier, you can probably move in earlier. It's not a big deal.
• Me: Maybe it's not a big deal for you, but I need to know when we're moving!

After all that fun, we received a forwarded email from his boss that said, "The management company wants to leave December 1st for legal reasons." Our broker added the line, "so here's the deal." Great deal! Hey knucklehead, why didn't you just add the line, "So here's what's happening: we're not going to consider your needs." I would have appreciated that sort of honesty.

We brought the certified checks, for his commission and a security deposit, along with two signed copied of the lease, for the management company to sign. As expected, the broker showed up ten minutes late to the meeting he had rescheduled. Today, Dana sent an email to him asking if everything was OK and when we should expect to get our copy back. The broker forwarded that to his manager with the intro, "i dont know the answer to this q" His manager wrote back, "It will be mailed to them after they move in," and the broker simply forwarded that email chain to Dana. Can you get any lazier? As Randy said to me, "You think they are working for you, but you are working for them." Very true. And it makes me so happy to see a manager setting a good example of making the client feel important. Oh wait, I forgot that we're not the client. Sorry, it's just a rough gig to pay thousands of dollars to be treated like dirt. Wouldn't this money be better-spent at an S&M club?

This has not been one of the most entertaining blog posts, I know. I rarely blog a rant, but I wanted this one out there so I can send a link to the broker once he's out of the picture. Ordinarily, I would speak to the broker's manager, but it's clear that he went to the same school of business. An excellent school, I'm sure. I'll leave them both nameless here. I will mention that the company is Ardor Real Estate, also called Ardor Realty. When I last spoke to the broker and finally mentioned that he's making this much harder for us than he has to, his reply?
"This is New York, what do you expect?"

There we go! Thanks for finally spewing out a bit of honesty. Once I get a friggin copy of the lease, we'll book a rental truck and have a long road of happier apartment blog posts to drive upon!

I would love to read some comments on this experience or similar fun with brokers.