Dear Mr. Maroon Caravan Driver

Dear Mr. Maroon Caravan Driver,

First, let me begin by saying, "Thank you." After my morning shower, shave and application of musk-scented body butter (we wouldn't want anyone to think I wasn't masculine), I was sure I had missed a spot. Yes, I knew that some part of me was not completely clean. As you undoubtedly knew, that part was the entire right side of my body, and as soon as you saw the opportunity to help me, you did. A true Good Samaritan. That oil-laced, brown puddle on Canal Street was exactly what I needed at that time to complete my morning cleansing.

I would also like to say, "You're welcome." I could see the glee in your face as you swerved from the middle lane to the far-right lane to assist me. I feel pride that I was able to provide you with such enjoyment on this rainy, miserable morning. And knowing that your pleasure was derived from delivering aid to a needy person fills my heart with love for the entire human race.

I just wanted to jot down come of these notes for you... to get them off my mind because the burden of debt I feel to you is so great. Now I can get back to my busy Thursday and avoid open flames. Have you seen The Dark Knight yet? Just curious.

Sincerely,
The Guy in the Jeans and White T-Shirt on Canal and Lafayette Holding a Useless Umbrella Above His Head