Melbourne: Graffiti, Podcasts & A Giant Squid

Dana's company was celebrating its 20th birthday, and they had organised drinks, food and a show for staff, clients, and partners of staff & clients. This meant a trip down to headquarters in the capitol of Victoria for me and Dana, as well as seats at Cirque du Soleil's Varekai! I'll leave Cirque du Soleil for another blog entry. It deserves it.

This trip to Melbourne was the fourth for me, and probably the 14th for Dana. This was really the first time Dana and I had Melbourne to ourselves. Dana was at work on the first day, but I took advantage of the time by myself by walking until my feet bled, thanks to a disease-ridden podcast walking tour and moseying through a bizarre museum.

Dana's friend Adelle gave me a few podcast tours of Melbourne that she had downloaded from the ABC.
"What's a podcast?" you ask.
"It's a fancy-pants, new-fangled thing-a-ma-jig that you can put onto your mp3 player and listen to," is my semi-accurate reply that gets the idea across.

I hiked up to Federation Square and started there. The theme was sickness and death, and the first thing I learned was that Federation Square used to be a morgue. This was a convenient location since they were often pulling bodies out of the Yarra River right there. The podcast was certainly macabre, but the stories gave a great sense of history and place. They ranged from a tale about the body of a 17 year old girl found floating in a trunk in the Yarra to graffiti in Hosier Lane.

The tour took me to Lygon Street in Carlton, where I heard stories about the mafia activity there before I settled into a nice seafood pasta dish. The street is lined with Italian restaurants for blocks. I chose my restaurant solely on which one had the most entertaining barker to watch while I ate. With slicked back hair and oversized dark sunglasses, my salesman of choice enthusiastically promised each passer-by that he would take care of them, sometimes leading them over to my table to show them how good my plate looked. Perfect pick!

The tour was also perfect because it left me just blocks from the Melbourne museum. Museums in Australia are second to none. Except maybe the Louvre. And MoMA. The bottom line is that any museum in Australia is going to be entertaining. If you travel to Oz, keep this in mind, and don't skip any museum you may happen by, even if it's a museum dedicated to dunnys. In fact, the more bizarre the subject matter, the more entertained you are going to be. I'm confident that Australians could create a museum dedicated to chalk that would please kids and parents alike. The secret here, I figure, is that Australians understand their place in history, and they are aware that there are many houses of historical significance across Europe and Asia, so they have to take some chances to sell tickets. Almost without exception, these chances pay off. I don't mean to insinuate that the contents of these museums would not stand on their own. I assume that as much attention is paid to who they place as curators and in positions of acquisition. The Museum of Contemporary Art in Sydney, for example, has never disappointed me, and artifacts of historical significance to both Australia and the world are easy to find in the War Museum and National Museum of Australia in Canberra. But they'll put these artifacts in a swinging room with live birds and interactive walls if it works.

Back to the Melbourne Museum. I really wanted to see Phar Lap, the Kiwi horse that was born in New Zealand, trained in Australia and murdered in the United States. That last bit was suspected for decades and confirmed just last year. It seems some jealous American punters fed him arsenic during his first trip across the Pacific. The massive horse was quickly stuffed, and his heart preserved and sent back to New Zealand. See what I mean? Other notable exhibits:

• An interactive model of what's below the streets of Melbourne. The diorama spoke volumes, but combination screen/map that gave you a first-person point of view of the travels of poo from your toilet in Melbourne to the ocean and, apparently, seagulls spoke libraries.
• Australian life. This included a modern kitchen, with a fridge and counter, etc. This part will be especially popular with the Martians when they're finally willing to fork over the 6 dollar admission fee. There was also a small wooden room filled with false pen & pencil graffiti, explaining that kids like to write their names on desks. Example of common lunch boxes were on display and the speakers played clips of children singing about diarrhea and Batman smelling. As I listened I realised that I still remember the words to those songs. That will be a treat come the next karaoke night. Of course, this exhibit would not be complete without a real Hills Hoist. Australians are damned proud of that clothesline.
• Fish of the deep. There were some freaky specimens in this exhibit, especially the 10 foot long giant squid.
• Aboriginal history. Many museums in Australia have a large focus on the treatment of the first Australians. No matter how many you have seen, you learn more at the next one you see.

That brought me to the end of my first day in Melbourne. Melbin. Photos here.