The 2 Train, 2000

The year was 2000. I was making my way from Brooklyn to my office in Manhattan. It was a Saturday. Yes, I had to work on a Saturday, and that sucked. The 2 train cheered me up. Here's how:

The ride from Bergen to Chambers was uneventful, but a very interesting passenger boarded my car at Chambers. I did not know and do not know if this human was a man or a woman.

S/he was about 6 feet tall and his/her body was just like a very large ball. Kind of like a bowling ball on chopsticks. S/he was wearing a skirt, but s/he also had fairly hairy legs and some facial stubble. On his/her feet were construction boots; s/he had long, braided hair; and s/he was carrying a child-sized pink, semi-clear backpack. The backpack was stuffed with papers, and a pair of hockey gloves were hanging from the side.

S/he was holding a toy stuffed monkey.

Do you have a visual? Good. The train was not too crowded, and when this interesting homo sapien got on the train, everyone noticed while pretending not to notice. S/he walked the length of the car and sat directly opposite me. Between her/him and the next passenger, there was enough room for two more people. The interesting passenger placed the backpack on the seat next to her/him, placed the toy monkey on top, and slammed the backpack into the side of the woman next to him/her.

The woman said, "Excuuuse me!"
The interesting passenger replied, "No! Excuse me! Excuse me! Make room for the monkey, B*TCH! MAKE ROOM FOR THE MONKEY!"

We pulled into Union Square, where I had to transfer to a 1 (or, in those days, a 9), and I exited the train. I did consider staying on the train. To this day, I regret getting not doing so.

*I've recently discovered Yelp and have managed to add a few reviews. I thought this one was worth adding to the blog. What's Yelp?